Art History (but don’t quote me on that)

 

  When we look back on history we just hear the boring sides.  The part of history that is important but I like the juicy pieces of history. The funny parts of history...

Some juicy gossip on famous artist!

Michelangelo:

Notoriously grumpy & unsociable: Once wrote a poem complaining about his back pain from painting the Sistine Chapel, comparing himself to a "Syrian Bow"

Michelangelo : To Giovanni da Pistoia

1509

I've already grown a goiter from this torture, 

hunched up here like a cat in Lombardy

(or anywhere else where the stagnant water's poison).

My stomach's squashed under my chin, my beard's 

pointing at heaven, my brain's crushed in a casket, 

my breast twists like a harpy's. My brush, 

above me all the time, dribbles paint 

so my face makes a fine floor for droppings!

My haunches are grinding into my guts, 

my poor ass strains to work as counterweight, 

every gesture I make is blind and aimless. 

My skin hangs loose below me, my spine's 

all knotted from folding over itself.

I'm bent taut as a Syrian bow. 

Because I'm stuck like this, my thoughts 

are crazy, perfidious tripe:

anyone shoots badly through a crooked blowpipe.

My painting is dead.

Defend it for me, Giovanni, protect my honor.

I am not in the right place - I am not a painter. 

The Case of the Missing Nipple:

A wealthy (and slightly blind) patron commissioned a grand biblical scene.  Upon the unveiling, he loudly exclaimed "Magnificent! but why does Saint Peter have three nipples?" Michelangelo with a sigh, blamed it on lighting. 

Leonardo da Vinci:

Was a notorious procrastinator - Which in today's society would be called ADHD: Many of his projects, including some famous paintings, were left undone.  Further proof he was ADHD...

The Mona Lisa:

While painting the Mona Lisa he got distracted by a passing butterfly, and invention idea, and then the sudden urge to dissect a frog...The Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile?  Or her just waiting patiently patiently.

Jean-Honore Fragonard

The Swing:

Fragonard "The Swing" was almost a disaster.  The Patron wanted a painting of his mistress swinging, while he hid in the bushes to watch her.  The Patron nearly fell out, revealing more than intended.  Fragonard, with quick thinking, added a conveniently placed brush to cover the mishap.  Imagine the baron's face when he realized his "secret" rendezvous was immortalized in paint, complete with a strategically placed shoe flying off. (that at the time was risqué) One wonders if his wife ever saw it. 

Changes to the Swing:

The bishop in the original commission was changed from a young to an old man, which is still quite humorous. 

Claude Monet:

• Very particular about his garden , he would get extremely upset if anyone touched his flowers.

• Known for his very elaborate and strange hat collection. 

• As Monet aged, his eyesight deteriorated due to cataracts.  This affected his perception of color.  Some art historians believe it contributed to the increasingly abstract quality of his later works.  So, those blurry water lilies? Maybe his eyesight was just bad that day. 

The Publics Confusion:

A confused art critic, upon seeing Monet's  "Impression, Sunrise," exclaimed "Is this a painting, or a blurry photograph? I think my glasses are dirty!" The public agrees, initially.

Monet's Garden Mishap:

Obsessed with capturing the fleeting light in his garden, he trips over a gnome, falls into his pond, and emerges dripping wet, declaring "Perfect! The water's reflection!"

Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio

The master of dramatic lighting and even more dramatic behavior, offers a treasure trove of funny (and often scandalous) facts:

• He was basically the rockstar of the Baroque era, complete with temper tantrums and legal troubles.  Imagine him throwing paint pots instead of a guitar.

• Known for using real people for reference models, often from the streets. He used prostitutes as models for his religious paintings. 

• His temper was infamous.  He was involved in many brawls, even killing a man in a duel.  After killing a man, he spent the rest of his life on the run, painting masterpieces in dingy taverns constantly looking over his shoulder. 

• "You don't like the shadows in my paintings! En Garde!" I can imagine art critics trembling at the thought of giving him a bad review. 

Gian Lorenzo Bernini:

• Known to have a very dramatic flair and would often act out the poses he wanted in his sculptures.

• He was known for his confidence and sometimes arrogant personality.  Often taking on several projects at once, sometimes getting his blueprints mixed up.  He built a theatrical stage in a church on accident, where he later added a statue on. 

Frida Kahlo:

• She had a very dark sense of humor & she enjoyed shocking people.

• Known for throwing very lively and eccentric parties.

• Frida Kahlo famously embraced her unibrow and light mustache as a deliberate rejection of European beauty standards and a celebration of her own identity, particularly her Mexican heritage and her unique features. 

Andy Warhol:

• Known for his very strange wigs, he once said "If you wear a wig, everybody notices.  But if you then dye the wig, people notice the dye."

Also, known for his deadpan humor and enigmatic pronouncements.  He often gave cryptic or nonsensical answers in his interviews, leaving people wondering if he was serious or just being playful.  This made him very difficult person to interview and added to his mystique. 

Now saving the best for last....

Salvator Dali

• Dali owned a lobster phone.  One day he tried to make a phone call using his lobster phone.  The operator, understandably confused, hangs up. Dali, unfazed declares its "successful communication with the subconscious."

• He walked an Anteater on a leash in Paris... yes, and Anteater.

• He had a very public fear of grasshoppers.

• He was known also for his very elaborate and strange public appearances.

• He owned an ocelot named Babou, which he took to restaurant bills by drawing on the back of the check. Restaurants were often too eager to own an original Dali sketch, to even cash them. 

• That time he tricked Yoko Ono out of 10,000.00.  Yoko Ono paid 10K for a hair from Dali's mustache, he ended up sending her a blade of grass instead.